Boinkie's Blog

Universalis

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Well, I'm back to very early morning blogggin.
My step son made a big thing about DSL...except I couldn't use the dsl because he had the phone hooked in downline and never changed it. After two weeks, I put the DSL into the office and hooked it up...
But if I try to use it during the day, they "need" the computer. It's called passive aggressive. I lost my temper and said Well I'd do it at 5 am ,but you have the office locked...so finally I got a key to the office to blog. But by 730 I have to get off...and since we jog and eat breakfast first, that gives me a whole hour. DUH.

Monday, November 21, 2005

In the meanwhile...actually, I'm not sure what is going on...
I have some essays on the castle on my laptop and will polish them for here...
The stepson has lots of plans, using my husband's shrinking funds...they sound good, but if the past is prolog, there will be no followthru and they will fail...
And it doesn't make it better that clinically he is hypomanic, sleeping four hours, and working staff to death (we can't keep staff except for a cook that works for my husband for twenty years and ignore the stepson)...
This is after three months of staying in bed 20 hours a day...

Hmm...that's an idea.
Sleep twenty hours a day...

Two days ago, I was reading a novel that had a main character who had to find forgiveness and acceptance of himself...at the time, I was cheerful, and it seemed easy.Today for various reasons I was confronted with a wrong done to me, which I had put away and it hit me with full bitterness...Ah, how terrible...I went back to bed and tried to pray, but instead fell asleep...I am now praying to forgive even though the wrong still echoes a bit in my life.Oh well...serves me right for thinking pain is a minimal common thing...and suffering is too often suffered alone.As a doctor, much of my "treatment" was merely to listen quietly and give hope and encouragement (and a little valium or prozac, which was less important)...and often felt like this. But since retireing, I have been essentially happy to lay down the burden of suffering...And I have felt better both mentally (not being burdened with the cares of others) and physically (although my asthma and arthritis are worse here, at least I don't have to struggle thru working all day while hurting)...nevertheless, pain from the past still comes upAnd all I can do is offer my little prayers of distraction and unbelief...