It's all about ME ME ME
Ran into this on a podcast review blog:
They are not the same. Ten percent of married couples are infertile, and many of the "happenstance" types merely are postponing children and then find they are infertile when they try.
The grief of those who suffer from infertility is not the same as the selfishness of the "choice" group.
And then, of course, there are those of us who gave up marriage and children to serve the Lord. This used to be more common than now, when gov't subsidizes caretakers for the old and infirm, and when women with careers weren't shunned as unmarriagable.
(When I became a doctor, there were few women doctors, let alone married women doctors. So I figured I would never marry when I chose medical school.
However, society changed when I got back from Africa, so I was able to adopt children, and later, to my astonishment, found a husband.)
Yes, career first. In my case, I chose to be unmarried, but here it means sex in a "partnership" or in a marriage, using contraception. Yet when one "choses" to reject God's gift of children when married, in order to pursue a career, often it also means neglecting one's husband for that career...
This can destroy a marriage, and not just for women (I have met too many doctor's wives and clergymen's wives who suffered neglect and were unhappy because their husband was married to the job).
Yes, this is why TomWolfe called the boomers the "me generation".
Wise Counsel
Ellen Walker, Ph.D. on Childfree Living
Psychologist Ellen Walker, Ph.D. is the author of the book, Complete Without Kids: An Insiders Guide to Childfree Living by Choice or by Chance, written in reaction to her own decision to forgo having children and consequent awareness of many people who have made the same choice.
Social pressure to have children cause this choice to be stigmatized unfairly.
In response, she uses the term childfree rather than childless to emphasize that the choice to not have children can be a deliberate decision and not an absence.
Childfree adults can be organized into three categories depending on their motivation to become childfree: deliberate choice, happenstance (where the person might have been happy to go either way) and circumstance (where the option to have children was blocked).
They are not the same. Ten percent of married couples are infertile, and many of the "happenstance" types merely are postponing children and then find they are infertile when they try.
The grief of those who suffer from infertility is not the same as the selfishness of the "choice" group.
And then, of course, there are those of us who gave up marriage and children to serve the Lord. This used to be more common than now, when gov't subsidizes caretakers for the old and infirm, and when women with careers weren't shunned as unmarriagable.
(When I became a doctor, there were few women doctors, let alone married women doctors. So I figured I would never marry when I chose medical school.
However, society changed when I got back from Africa, so I was able to adopt children, and later, to my astonishment, found a husband.)
Though there are many advantages to not having children (including the opportunity emphasize career and interests, to put more energy into maintaining marital happiness, and to save and spend money for/on ones self), there are also challenges, including a widespread perception that other people view childfree adults as selfish and concerns about retirement planning and legacy.
Yes, career first. In my case, I chose to be unmarried, but here it means sex in a "partnership" or in a marriage, using contraception. Yet when one "choses" to reject God's gift of children when married, in order to pursue a career, often it also means neglecting one's husband for that career...
This can destroy a marriage, and not just for women (I have met too many doctor's wives and clergymen's wives who suffered neglect and were unhappy because their husband was married to the job).
yeah, you chose not to have children so you could spend money on yourself and then you reinterpret your partner's children (from a previous marriage") as daring to get in the way of his attention to you.
Childfree orientated adults can have difficulties when in relationships with partners who have children due to competing expectation around who is the center of the parent partners attention.
(review, feed)
Yes, this is why TomWolfe called the boomers the "me generation".
posted by Nancy Reyes at
9:23 AM
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